Different Doesn't Mean I Hate You
by xXxLasting-MemoriesxXx
Summary: "...A voice inside her entreated that she made an effort to believe that the world was an innocent place and not a broken sanctuary caging shattered dreams. She didn't want the place where she'd do her living to be the thing that ripped her apart, but was the event really the world's fault?..." -A bittersweet story about guilt, siblings, and the meaning of words. NO INCEST!


**Author's Note:** _There is a quick note to let you all know the ages of the characters, and yes, this is post-All Grown Up. Lil and Phil are sixteen in this, new drivers, yet still more like children than they think. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Reviews would be lovely, because this is my first Rugrats/All Grown Up fanfiction work, so your love or hate would be admired by me._

_This will soon fit into a larger story and maybe the timeline of all my stories centered around them, because I all ready have storylines for others, so you if you like this, you'll hopefully like my new ideas which will soon be stories._

_Anyway, I've rambled enough, so I'm gonna leave after saying one thing:_

**I do not own the Rugrats or All Grown Up. I'm just a fan, who will always love them. **

_Now, to the story:_

* * *

She held her coat tighter against her frame, as she stumbled through the streets of the small town. Her mind cascaded with the raw memories of the events, as she blinked away tears that were stinging her eyes. Her breathing was unsteady as she took long periods of time holding it, trying to wrap her mind around what exactly occurred. It was as though she wasn't herself anymore and she was seeing the world as a different person. A voice inside her entreated that she made an effort to believe that the world was an innocent place and not a broken sanctuary caging shattered dreams. She didn't want the place where she'd do her living to be the thing that ripped her apart, but was the event really the world's fault?

No. So, why did she find herself blaming it? Perhaps, it was the easier outlook than facing the truth that burned underneath her skin or maybe, she was slightly afraid of her reality? She didn't know. All she did was that she cared more about this than anything else, though she'd act like she didn't till death officially met her doorstep. She prayed that wouldn't be for a long time, but over the course of the last year, she had learn that it was a fragile thing- life- a piece of glass just waiting to be relinquished and smothered against the floor. The thought of it make her queasy and brought back everything.

Nothing was the way it was supposed to be; it was all in ruins and would eventually morph into ancient ones, just like the others. Her life would go on, continuously spiraling out of control, but she was alive, something he could never say again, as if he could if he tried anyway. And every day she'd be reminded of the trauma, the loss, the agony, the questions, the heartbreak, and that she was alone.

It had been an entire year, since the night that stole a fragment of her until she greeted him again at heaven's gate. Was there even a heaven? How could there be when he was taken from her way too early- his entire future stripped away as though it never meant anything at all. Maybe, the future didn't matter, but she was positive their history did. His memory was what assisted her off to sleep and the only thing that kept her sane, especially now that the remaining of her family was dying.

Everyday she had to wake up to find her mother farther into her depression, even though she tried to keep a fake smile on her face to encourage Lil that everything was all right. But she wasn't a little girl anymore, she knew fairytales weren't true, and she fathomed that her brother-her twin and best friend- was gone forever, because of a petty fight while she was driving. And her last words to him would always be the worst mistake of her life. "I hate you," never hurt anyone more than yourself, and Lil was awakened to that fact now.

Eyeing a mud puddle on the side of the street, she didn't hesitate to rush over and collapse into it, traveling back to her- their- toddler years where mud, worms, and Tommy Pickles' adventures were their life. She could recall the taste of worms as they slithered down her throat; the thought made her cringe now, but it was who she was. And for the first time since high school, as she sobbed into the mud, she allowed her old friend to sink back into her, letting it in all her pores, because it was one of the last things she had of him.

"I'm so sorry, Phil, I-I never meant for this- f-for all of it to happen. I-I never meant what I said. I don't h-hate you; I could never hate you. You're my b-brother, and as different as we are grew to be, you'll always be my best friend. I promise." She sobbed her feelings to the nighttime sky, to the stars and moon, hoping that the silent breeze would carry it over to him. She needed him to know it.

* * *

She was soaked, as she emerged from her sleep. Gasping for air, as she shot up in her bed and scanned the contents of her room. However, her gaze halted at the golden picture frame on her side-table containing a picture of Phil and her at the ripe age of two. Both covered head to tow in mud with a popsicle grin as they clung on to each other as though their lives depended on it. Her stomach knotted, as she fluttered her eyes shut to catch her breath. She counted to ten, before slipping out of her covers and stepping out of her bed.

A crisp breeze danced around her ankles from the vent system beneath her bed. Her hands shook from fear and nerves, as she found herself taking steps toward the door. Every movement she made felt like a century as she creaked open her bedroom door, stepped out into the shadowy hallway, and down the hall a few paces to the door of Phil's room. Her breath caught in her throat, but she wasn't turning away now. She took a hold of the doorknob and pushed it open, before entering the dark room.

The pit in her stomach eased and a relieved smile crossed her lips. There was a window above the bed, which allowed a limited amount of moonlight through, so she was able to analyze her surroundings and see that Phil was indeed asleep in his bed, or previously was, because he was now sitting up with an angered, irritated semblance.

"What the heck, Lil? I'm not sure if you got the memo or not, but people sleep at night, plus I have the cooking thing tomorrow." He grumbled, as he scratched his eyes.

Guilt raced through her as she realized that it was indeed three in the morning and he had to get up in four hours, but she couldn't resist smiling.

"Oh, Phillip, you should know by now that you always get memos before me."

"Yeah, well, now you know, Lillian-"

She heard him mumble something else, but couldn't help but focus on her name. No one ever said her name the way he did when he was mad, or did she allow anyone to use her full one besides him and their mother. It was what they had always done, as long as she remembered and she bet even before that.

"Lillian, I said get out, are you deaf?" He spoke a bit louder, his body praying to just go back to sleep.

She just nodded her head, before turning towards the door. She didn't progress any though, because she was facing him a second later with a sincere look on her face, despite the aggravation on his. She knew she was being a pest, but she needed him to hear this, because she may never get another chance.

Biting her lips, she formed the words carefully in her head as she recalled the nightmare that she had dreamed up, and shoved them out as her eyes focused on anything except her brother.

"I didn't mean what I said earlier… about hating you and how you won't mount to anything if you keep being who you are…" Her voice was quiet, but as she went, it gained strength.

"I guess I forgot we aren't the same anymore… that as we grew up, we grew apart, and I lost my patience. It's been bothering me all night that I said you were no longer my friend anymore… I just, I'm sorry and I take it back."

Finally, she gained enough courage to stare him straight in the eye and was shocked to see him rolling his. A frown pierced her lips, as she placed her hands on her hips, as the disappointment ran as deep as the pain.

"What?" She asked; it was her turn to be mad now.

He sighed, before explaining with a snap, "You woke me up for that? Didn't you think I all ready knew that? It's the reason why our fight wasn't any worse than it was. I mean, if we all took what each other said literally when we fought, then our friendship with everybody would've ended long ago. I guess you are the last to get all the memos."

"Oh…" she mumbled, as she looked down at her feet, quite unsure what to take his response as. Shaking her head, she looked back up at him with a small smile, "Well, I guess I'll leave you be. Night…" Her voice drifted off, as she started to make her exit.

"Yeah, Lil," She turned around at her name.

"Thanks for letting me know."

A grin flicked on to her face, as she shrugged, "Just something I felt like I had to do. I had this dream where you died and I-"

"Hold on! You dreamed I died? How could you do that? I am the best things about this family, I mean, no one else comes close to having my charm, personality, or brilliance." He smirked, as he admired himself in his thoughts.

"I beg to differ, Phillip." She rolled her eyes, and fell serious.

"I'm right."

"No, you aren't."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you aren't, Phillip!"

"But I know I am, Lillian."

"You are so-"

Lil's words were cut short by the shout of their mother for them to be quiet and go to sleep, once again reminding her that it was night. Both teenagers looked at each other before bursting with laughter. They really couldn't last five minutes without arguing, at least, now she knew that both knew that words said in spite were disregarded later by each of them. And things were all right, just like how it always been and will be.

* * *

**Author's Note: **_The end, how'd you like it? ;D_


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